5:30 AM
Didn’t sleep much last night. Tough to doze off with this machine that provides fluids making noise all night. The little sleep I did get was interrupted by the staff wanting to draw more blood. Yes! Not to mention I had a med student draw blood and poke around in my arm for a few minutes before the nurse he was shadowing took over. I seem to be getting more and more pissed off. So many questions. Why? Am I being tested? Did I do truly horrible things when I was younger? Have I not proven myself yet? These are the types of questions that whirl around in my head. And all I want to do is get back to the life I know. Finding a house with Mish, starting a family and working. Now all three of those are up in the air. Times like these the show Quantum Leap sounds great. Let me jump ahead and just try and fade the memory of this whole nightmare out of my mind.
8:00 AM
Went downstairs to get a catheter put into my chest. Not the painful pee pee procedure. This is so all the meds can be administered through one single location. Cool group of guys that did the procedure. A guy named G was cool. Discussed music, skiing, Colorado and everything in between.
10:30 AM
Came back to Leslie Hinds who met me in the hall. We discussed the prognosis and the success rate if you’re at a 40% blast. She didn’t give me the up most confidence, but that just makes me that much more driven. I am going to strangle the shit out this disease! But if there’s anyone out there that can send me a positive thought, I’ll take it. BTW, I think Seymour finally let the folks at work in on what’s going on. I’ve already gotten texts from Jess, Pat and Andy, all asking if I need anything. Good people.
About to have the chemo start in a few minutes. It’s going to be running continuously for 7 days. This is it. Be strong. Think positive. Don’t think you can beat this, know it.
3:00 PM
Chemo was delayed for a few hours. Apparently there’s a medical shortage in the state or country (not sure). Makes me feel very reassured. But the chemo has now started and to tell you the truth, I don’t feel any different, except for this catheter that I have in my jugular vein. Fucking A! Can you make it any more uncomfortable? And I have to wear this for a month? Right on (sarcasm)!
So, this is officially day 1 of treatment. Let the challenge begin. I’m signing of for the rest of the day. I’ll let you know how things are tomorrow.
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ReplyDeleteZach, I don't know why this is happening to you, especially since your one of the coolest, down-to-earth guys I know. All I can say is that I know you will get through this. There will be challenges and obstacles, but with every day that passes, you will be closer to your goal. I see you as vibrant, healthy and whole already!!Thanks for creating this blog. It takes courage to open yourself and be vulnerable, but it's impacted me deeply. One starts to think about whats most important in life.... You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your head up!! :)
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